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我不知道她到底怎么了。最近，不知道是不是化疗还是因为她的病情。。她变得越来越不可理喻。忍耐也有一个限度。

我，快发疯了。

她现在连我的自由，我该拥有的权利也不给我。现在的我，也许只能苦笑吧。假装没事。

我连，出不出门，吃什么。。她都要管。好痛苦哦！

很多次，她都会因为我吃或不吃发神经。

状况1：
我正准备出门，约人快迟到了。她却硬要我吃了再出门。好啊，我吃了几口，因为不合胃口也没多吃。结果，她硬要我再吃些别的，可是我却很着急，因为迟到了。哪来的时间和心情吃啊？结果，她就突然间，“爆炸”，开始威胁我。如果我不吃，她就怎样怎样。。

状况2：
我已经吃完晚餐。嘴巴有点‘痒’。。所以就拿了左上还剩下的spicy drumlets进房间。过不久，她就敲房门，要我吃她买的什么珍珠荔枝。我不肯，她就说要坏了，要我吃。我就告诉她，我不想吃那个。‘ 当当！’ 她又“爆炸”了。又威胁我了。

有完没完啊？！她逼得我快发疯了！只是不知道什么时候！

算了，发完牢骚，说点别的。

我要换名，或真确来说。。是加多一个英文名。一直以来都在用 Ileana 。。 可是却发现大多数的人都不会念这个名字，也没有见过。所以就有了另外一个选择，larabelle 。。我比较喜欢这个，因为它听起来很甜很好听。。又有种快乐的感觉！希望我能向这个名字一样，开开心心的。而且听人家说，名字会影响一个人！


I don't know what's wrong with her recently. Seriously.. not sure if it has anything to do with her illness.. or the chemo.. but these problems occurred aft she stopped chemo! I've been tolerating her nonsense and I don't know how long more I can tolerate even though I'm good at tolerating!  


Since god knows when, she became unreasonable.. I lost my freedom, my rights. She's making me insane! 


To the point, she's controlling whether I can go out or not, whether I eat or not despite I'm full or not.. like .. she'll just raise a demand, and I have to follow suit.. or else she flares up and threatens me and get real scary.. 


It's a torture, a pain .. to not be able to even have such basic rights.. considering the fact im 23 this year.


Often, she'd go 'crazy' because I did not agree to her demands.. like eating before I leave house or whatsoever.


Incident 1: 
I was already late as I'm meeting someone.. yet my mum insisted I eat something before I leave home. So I ate a little, as I didn't really like what was prepared.. and I don't have the mood or time to eat when I am already late!


Incident 2:
I had already had my dinner but just wanted to bite some thing for supper. So I took the leftover spicy drumlets into my room. She knocked on my room door then, insisting I eat the lychees she bought.. claiming they were of premium 'quality'.. I refused, but she said they were about to spoil .. I refused, telling her I didn't feel like having any. 'booom!' she "exploded" yet again. Got angry, threatened not to buy any more blah blah.. 


I hate this feeling seriously! Why do I have to do everything as told? I have my own rights to choose what I want to eat don't I ? Why did she turn like this suddenly? Is there any end to this? She's turning me insane! I just don't know when that would be.


Forget it, let's talk about something else..


I wanna change my name, or rather.. lets put it in another way.. I want to add an English name. I have been using the name ' Ileana ', but I noticed that many have difficulty pronouncing the name and this name is not found almost anywhere.. (I found it from an English Christian Name book).. So, I came across this name 'larabelle', that I thought of! I really liked this name.. it sorts of gives me the cheerful feeling and this name really sounds sweet and nice! ( ^-^x ) I've also heard that names can affect a person.. not sure if it is true but I really hope I can become a happier person, one who wouldn't always fret with that name!