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Ileana
17 Nov
Nayang Academy Of Fine Arts

craves -;
♥ name change
♥ goodbye to panda eyes
♥ Piano Black Polaroid ;
♥ Gain weight 10-15kg;
♥ BlackBerry Bold
♥ freedom
♥ A car;
♥ granny and mummy's good health & happiness;
♥ learn piano;
♥ death ♥

loves -;
♥ making-sweetness

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♥ 爱情小说
♥ myself not

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Designer l Fanny
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codes 1 l Ms.SockPuppet
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Materials 2 l Angelicreations
140711 ` unrest
Thursday, July 14, 2011 | 7:07 AM

Some things, as long as one day it doesn't come to an end, you'll suffer till it comes to an end. I'm unsettled, my heart's heavy.. worried.. fearing the arrival of that day.

Mummy just came home from Granny's.. told me something, I've been avoiding. Thou I appear as if I do not care.. but deep down, it matters a whole lot to me.. it's just hard for me to express it out. what can I do ?

Mummy told me.. grandma told her that she doesn't have much time left .. like, she can't hold on much longer.. 

upon hearing such a news.. it felt as if my heart's tied to an anchor, sank to the bottom of the sea.. 

I understood that, people age, and when they age, it is inevitable that they leave us too.. but sometimes, we just choose to avoid facing reality. 

我不要她的离开，我宁愿选择自己离开。我曾经多次那么许愿过。很荒唐吧？我很多次，像天上的神明许愿，希望他们能成全。让我，用我的生命，来换我家人以及奶奶的快乐，健康与寿命。现在想起来，觉得自己很傻，因为，我竟然以为我的生命对上天来说会有那么重要。我竟然以为，会有用。

我，不知所措。她，对我而言很重要。
Because, she was the one by me when I was young. When my parents weren't there for me. Thou those times seemed just like any other day.. now I realise, they were different.. because those were the times, I spent with her, and I won't get a second chance.

Every time I told myself I should express myself, I just can't. She can't hear me anymore. She can't.. Even some others, young people.. can't hear me, saying I speak too softly .. now that grandma's old .. and she can't seem to hear us anymore.. We have to shout.. and even though I tried, she still can't.. 我好难过。

但是，我从没说过。只是把这些事往心底埋。其实，换个方式想，那也是对她的一种解脱。结束她的痛苦，她这一生的痛苦。She suffered enough.. though I don't wish the day might come, that she'll leave us forever, but .. as long as she's free from pain .. I know it'd be better for her. Cause, I can feel her pain. 

好难过。。我，是不是做错了。 





Credits as stated. Click on the pic to view the animated version.

"Pain is inevitable, Suffering is optional." --- can I really walk out of it ? 

making-sweetness Ileana ♥