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220311 ` traumatised.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011 | 8:47 AM  It was all well, an average day until Bel's replacement class .. when I consulted her, I was dealt a big blow. The packaging design I thought of, was rejected. I was dismayed, rejected, stressed. I tried to keep my emotions under control, but I was so dejected, I couldn't help but give that "dead" look. Went to get Wacom Bamboo tablet today.. Had a terrible time finding it cos I went to SIM LIM SQ in the afternoon but couldn't find .. like seriously, the shop names listed on Wacom's site does not talley with the ones I see .. and most shops are closed .. After bel's class went to SMU with xiaoting bcos on Wacom's webby oso states a shop that retails but, cant locate the shop too.. duhhhhs ! The shop units are not in order, that's the funny part.  Ended up getting it from Challenger at Funan straight.. Then headed straight to dar's place & started emoing.. cried. Got reminded of Marco somehow, perhaps when dar neighbour's dog started barking.. I reminisced of the past, when he was still here, by my side. He would always be there for me, when I was upset. When I started crying, he would like my tears off my face, as if he was trying to tell me.. to stop crying. He was always so sweet, in my heart and mind. He would let me hug him tight.. because he knew I was upset, he would sit by me. There are tons of sweet little things he did, he was much more important to me, than my parents were I would say. I would give up anything, just to have him back I promise. Even my sight. I could never stop crying so badly, whenever I thought of these, until now. What have I done for him ? I don't know, I seriously don't. All I did was get him some treats .. the best one was those little muffins and whatever have you specially for dogs. These was all I did for him .. I'm a terrible owner, ain't I .. To think he would always scurry into the master bedroom I usually lock when I take a bath. He would always sit with his furry little butt facing the toilet, as if he's protecting me. I miss him terribly.. When I realise I was about to lose him, it was too late.. all I could do was pray nothing would happen to him .. all I could do was stood there and cry .. endlessly .. like my tears would never stop .. I'm a person who finds it hard to cry, but for him .. I cried terribly. He was the one and only sweetest dog I had. I'm sorry .. I failed as your owner. I've always thought sis was the one responsible for you.. I was self-centered, I failed to give you care and concern, I was selfish. I was always giving excuses, claiming I have no time.. When I wanted to repent and make it up to you, it was too late. That scene would never leave my mind.. when you were at the vet, and you were in so much pain .. it hurt me so badly .. there was nothing I could do .. I knew you wanted me to get you out of that hell, asap .. you struggled to pull yourself with all your remaining might .. towards the front .. but there was nothing I could do but cry.. I'm sorry Marco.. I'm sorry.. He was my pillar of support.. He would never fail to greet me at the dog with his barks .. which sounded like he was reprimanding me for reaching home late.. I missed every little bit of him .. the sweet times I shared my food with him.. the times he snuggled up with me in bed.. This time, I'm not looking forward to weekends anymore. Because he seems to be meeting his NS friends every week.. I understand that he needs his own space, perhaps I've clung onto him too tight.. its time to let go now. I finally understood what people meant by, choosing the one who love you more than the one whom you loved more. I understood perfectly I needed to give him space. But how exactly, I don't know. My life was always revolving around him .. its like I suddenly lost the focus in my life.. I asked him if he still loved me, he said yes, but I couldn't feel it from his answer. But I knew he still cared for me. It seems like, he has lesser time for me now.. its time I learn, how to be independent.. how to survive, alone.  Ileana ♥ |
